Disclaimer: This post has quite literally nothing to do with the theme of this blog, but I have been thinking a lot about my life, my transformation and my growth the past few years and I am DAMN proud of it. Enjoy loves :)

The girl who stayed because it was comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable. Who left, but came back because he couldn't live without me.

I was that girl.

The girl who hushed her voice and made herself small so he could feel powerful. So small she could fit in the palm of his hand.

I was that girl.

The girl who believed every thing that came out of his mouth. Most of the time negative, insulting and abusive. At the least, deceivingly polite.

I was that girl.

Now.

I am that girl who stands with those who can and raises her voice for those who cannot.

I am that girl.

I am the girl who is loud. My laugh included.

I am the girl who has experienced, travelled, loved, and been loved. The girl who's life is messy with no plan except to live. Really fucking live.

I am that girl.

I've been asked quite often how travel has changed me, and if you look at any of my previous posts you will see that I have become a tree-hugging, plastic fighting, open-minded, animal loving, ready for anything kind of girl. But I have also found my voice again. It was never really gone, but it was hushed. Hushed so low that I forgot what the point was.

Sometimes we feel small, like there's something more out there for us. Like the place we hold in the world is insignificant. And you know what? That's OK. Other times we may have everything together. We know what we want and we fight for it. Hard. And that is amazing. Sometimes life hurts and is messy, and other times it's all we could ever want. I've recently realized how important it is to recognize that.

As I get closer to my departure date more and more things seem to be falling into place, but some of my relationships are also beginning to feel strained. Leaving behind a great job, a supportive family, wonderful friends who are family, and a beautiful companion is proving to be very difficult, and I'm still 3 months away. My mind is at a constant battle of happy and sad, excited and heartbroken. But when I think about how much I have grown since I was a teenager, and even since my young twenties (figuratively not literally, I am still 5 feet tall), I have no doubt that I will be able to handle anything that comes my way. Does that mean it will be easy? Hell no. But I am no longer dependant on anyone but myself. I no longer silence myself, what I'm feeling or what I need. I fight for what I want and what I want is this: to travel. To play outside of my comfort zone. To meet new people, new cultures, and new adventures.

I am sacrificing comfort for uncertainty. I am scared. I am thrilled. I am feeling every emotion under the sun.

I am.

I am loud, I am bold, I am sturdy, and no one can make me feel small. Ever. I am confident that I am on the right path. I am sure this is what I'm supposed to do. I am following my heart and trusting my gut.

I am.

Caylie Smith

Not Your Average Travel

Whatever is good for your soul, do that

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