Contrary to popular belief, living abroad is not a full time vacation.
It's in its own realm of travel. You're on the other side of the world, wide-eyed, naive, and free to have whatever experience you choose. But it also brings new challenges that never came to light while backpacking.
It's the same responsibilities from home without the comfort of home.
It's forgetting you're literally on the other side of the world because you've reset into the same routine of writing, yoga, work, drinks, repeat.
It's knowing what time the bus comes to take you to work and which tram will take you downtown. It's limited mobility and absolute freedom. To a degree.
It's lonely. God damn is it lonely.
It's being outside of your comfort zone. All. The. Time.
It's putting yourself out there and introducing yourself to randoms in bars and messaging randoms on backpacking groups with the hope that someone will click with you. It's telling your story over and over again. Where you're from, how long you're here for, when you're going home.
It's feeling at home when you see a maple leaf or hear someone with the same accent as you. It's listening to your favourite album on public transit and letting it transport you back home for a moment while you're on your way to your home abroad.
I've been settled into Melbourne for just over 3 months now and I'm finally starting to find my groove, but fuck did it take a while.
Coming home from a trip is always hard, but I had no idea what I was in for this time. I spent three months travelling around Southeast Asia with my best friend. We literally were never more than 500m away from each other. Then I got to Australia and all of a sudden not only was my best friend gone, so was my freedom. The freedom to do whatever and go wherever, not only because I had no plans or responsibilities, but I also had the financial freedom to do so. I knew the prices in Australia were similar to home, but it still hurts to pay $13 for a pint compared to $0.50 in Asia. All of a sudden it wasn't so easy to head down to the hostel bar for drinking games and socializing because I couldn't afford a $50 night. That loss of freedom in an unknown place was more of a shock than anything I've experienced abroad.
I always knew I was coming to Australia to work, but the adjustment from travel to regular life (but now abroad) took a while to get down. Honestly, there are a lot of days that I completely forget I'm in Australia. It is so similar to Canada in a lot of ways, and I've settled into a work routine during the week and drinks or camping on the weekends. Just the same as before I left. Sometimes I think that's a good thing, but I'm also afraid that this mindset is causing me to miss out on what's going on around me. I know in a few years I'll look back at this time for what it is, and it's probably the coolest thing I'll ever do, but that doesn't make it easy.
Don't get me wrong, this has been an incredible journey and I sure as hell don't mean to sound ungrateful. I wake up every morning and am reminded of how hard I worked to get here. What I sacrificed, what my loved ones did for me so that I could be here, and what I'm doing to my poor mother. And in fact I have no intention of coming home anytime soon. I've had my application for a New Zealand working holiday visa saved for a few weeks now, with plans to travel to Sri Lanka and back the the Philippines before making my way over there to start over once again.
I just wanted to bring to light the fact that living abroad and travelling are two very different things. This may be the coolest thing I'll ever do, but it also may be the most heart-wrenchingly difficult. I miss my people. I miss the mountains. Hell, I even miss the snow. But Australia has a laid-back vibe, beautiful weather and landscape, and some of the most chilled out people I've ever met. There's a lot to experience here and I'm sure I've already taken in more than I even realize.
In the past, I haven't realized what I've taken from a trip until after I've returned home, but since this time home is nowhere in the near future I need to tune in to now. I have a constant battle in my mind of missing home and soaking in everything around me, because I know I won't have this experience again. And maybe that's just part of the experience, or at least my experience. Finding a balance between seeking new adventures, exploring my new city, and meeting new people while appreciating what I have back home without longing for it too much. Appreciating this journey for what it is, like it is.
Caylie Smith
Not Your Average
"Whatever is good for your soul, do that"
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